Gemilut Hasadim and Historical Judaic Burial

By: Rabbi Jonathan Matt

A beautiful midrash (an exposition to illustrate the significance of a biblical text) describes gemilut hasadim as being the truest expression of love, one that by definition has no expectation of leading to a reward from the one brought to burial. The midrash draws on the last will and testament of Jacob, who asks of Joseph " ... deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt." (Gen. 47:29 RSV) "Kindness done towards the dead is the truest kindness as it can anticipate no return." (Midrash Rabba quoted in commentary of Rashi). Joseph kept the promise to his father and brought him to his final rest in the land of Israel (Gen. 50:7-13).

The challenging concept of nihum aveilim - comforting the mourners. Nihum aveilim is a sub-concept of gemilut hasadim, a tangible expression of concern and love for one’s fellow. As with any religious expression, intent and emotion are important. But good intentions and kind words are not enough; to help more than one hinders, one most know how and when to offer comfort.

Nihum aveilim does not mean approaching the bereaved at the gravesite and saying: "Cheer-up! Wipe the tears away! It’s not so bad!" Rather, what does one do and say, and when?

The Sages realized that the memory of one’s beloved remains in the heart always. On the Hebrew anniversary of death each year, a candle is lit at home, and one says special prayers in the Synagogue. The entire first year after a near relative passes away is a period of moderate mourning, the first month of greater mourning, and the first week intense mourning. There is a gradual and healthy progression from the near-incapacitation of the first days, a period of crying freely, expressing grief and remembering, to the process of reintegrating oneself into the renewed realities of family, work, community and ultimate meaning. Although the details have varied greatly from the time of Joseph to today, and even today customs vary from one Jewish community to another, the Sages developed guidelines for the mourner and the comforters.

Jacob (and Joseph after him) were embalmed in the Egyptian manner and then honored with a 40-day period of mourning. In later Jewish tradition, embalming is forbidden. With death, an individual’s physical life has come to an end, following "By the sweat of your brow shall you get bread to eat until you return to the ground, for from it you were taken: For dust you are, and to dust you shall return." (Gen. 3:19 NJPS) After the death of Aaron, we are told that the Israelites mourned him for thirty days (Num. 20:28); and until today, a month, rather than 40 days, is a milestone through the first year.

More than a century of archaeology in the Holy Land gives us a reasonably full picture of the development of Jewish concepts of life and death over the past 3,000 years and of the burial customs where the two realities meet. During the first half of this period, there was usually a two-stage burial. The first stage was interment in a sarcophagus, during which time the flesh disintegrated. The next stage was "being gathered to one’s fathers," literally, as during the biblical era, the bones were then gathered into a family area.
Gradually the custom developed of individual burial niches and/or small ossuaries for the final remains.

More typical in the past 1500 years (and the universal custom today) are one-stage burials. The Israeli orthodox Jewish custom, with certain exceptions, is to bury the individual directly in the ground without a coffin. In the rest of the Jewish world, as far as I know, burial is in a coffin, with emphasis on the simplicity and non-permanent nature of the coffin: "For dust you are and to dust you shall return."

Scholars theorize that the transition from family to individual burial accompanied the transition from the mainstream Old Testament view that "The dead cannot praise the Lord, nor any who go down into silence" (Psalms 115:17) to the Pharasaic view that the individual will be miraculously resurrected in the afterlife. (cf. Luke 20:27-40, Acts 23:6-9)

Dedicated to my father and teacher, Rabbi Hershel Matt, on the 11th anniversary of his death. May his memory be a blessing.

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• Mourning and Burial-Judaic Custom - By : Rabbi Jonathan Matt